So, I Started Therapy

Summer feels like a liminal space, I'm not gonna lie. We're only two weeks in, and I'm already losing track of the days, which is honestly impressive since I started journaling daily. But we'll get into that in a minute. Why am I telling you this? Because yesterday, all day, I thought it was Tuesday. And since I post to my blog (typically) on Monday, I didn't think to write up my post, which is why you're getting it a day late.

So what did tip me off that I missed a post yesterday? The fact that my counseling appointment is this afternoon. That's right–your girl is seeing a therapist. I'm sure you're saying, "Finally!" Especially if you've read any of my books, haha! But if you're asking, instead, why I'm mentioning/advertising that here, well, there are a few reasons for that.

Firstly, normalization.

Hardships do encourage artistic expression, but that doesn't mean we can't also be healed instead of tortured artists. Getting professional help has been a long time coming for me, and it's something I'm personally really proud to be doing. It wasn't something I was raised to think of in a positive light, and bad experiences in the past made it really hard to trust or desire to try again. So it's a personal win, honestly. And it's something that I think more creatives should really consider. While we tend to have healthier coping mechanisms and outlets via our creative pursuits, there's no replacing professional aid at the end of the day. I also believe it can even improve our creativity.

On that note, I think it will have a major impact on my writing–eventually.

Yes, I'm always saying that writing/poetry is a healing activity, and I believe that whole-heartedly. But I also believe that having a dedicated professional structuring your healing journey is invaluable. And it's not like you can't do both. As I mentioned above, I'm journaling, for the first time in my life. Like, I've tried before, (and bullet journaling was super helpful to me for a time) however, I've never been a true or consistent journaler. But that's changing. I've been journaling daily for a few weeks now, and it's sparked plenty of things to dive into with my poetry. All in all, I can't see how this could negatively impact my writing, and I'm already seeing benefits in that regard. And it's really, weirdly freeing.

Which leads me to my last reason: You can't create well in survival mode.

I'm a big believer in being who you are everywhere you go. I believe in freedom of expression. I even believe the world deserves you at your weirdest, precisely because it's you being your most free self. I've been kind of presenting a more healed version of myself in my online presence lately, and I can't say that's fair to do. I'm not saying I should list out my traumas and become someone who airs all my dirty laundry online, but it's not me being my most genuine self either. And, as someone who is always talking about creativity and freedom of expression and healing and honesty, it hasn't particularly felt great to be a little less of all of those things. So this is a confessional, of sorts, in hopes of better realization of my priorities. It's a hopeful glimpse of how I'm working to step out of survival mode and into a more trusting and truthful creative space.

Now, despite the title, I'm sure this isn't quite what you were expecting to read. But that's also kind of the point. This isn't a straightforward or entirely happy thing to discuss or be doing. It's a process and not at all linear and kind of awkward. But I'm wanting better for myself, for my fellow creators, so this is where it starts.