Consistency

I literally hate chopping carrots. Weird stance to take? Perhaps, but I stand by it. Carrots are just so inconsistent. They grow in funky shapes and they have a variety of lengths and thicknesses, and having to try to cut them up to cook evenly causes me more stress than it probably should. So why even bring it up?

Well, last night, I was - you guessed it! - chopping carrots for dinner and I realized that I was getting upset. So I decided to really think about what it is that makes me abhor this particular, small, rare occurrence. Ends up, I landed on my nearly inhibiting desire for consistency. Now, you might think that's strange, coming from someone who changes things somewhat constantly and can't even nail down a writing routine. It's ok, I think it's strange too.

But I realized that I have an intense need for consistency in my life. Just not a detailed sort. I like overarching themes of consistency. I like traditions. I like ordering the same drink when I go out for coffee (and yes, that does mean that I still get iced coffee in the middle of winter). But I also do really enjoy switching things up. I don't care what coffee shop I'm at, I'm ordering the same drink. I hate having to do the same things every day, but heaven forbid I miss a once-a-year tradition. See where I'm going with this?

What's interesting here is that I did not realize this about myself. I've literally felt crazy sometimes with what seemed like arbitrary hang ups about change and consistency. Knowing this now, I think I can be more graceful in dealing with myself and people who I have to interact with regularly/with whom I must complete tasks.

Insert seeming non-sequitur: My husband and I started this thing a while back where every January first, we pray about and pick a theme to guide the year ahead. This year's theme has been Reform. (What a year to start reevaluating everything, right?) It's helped me to handle all the things that 2020 has been throwing our way. By looking at every upheaval as something to challenge my perceptions, biases, habits, and goals I've actually felt a lot of peace and forgiveness for the messy bits of this year.

So how does that tie in to the rest of this post? Well, I've learned so much from taking that time to just question what I feel and think in any given moment, instead of just pushing through and saying I'll wait for another time to sort myself out. I think that all too often, we get tricked into thinking that we are rather consistent individuals - that we do change, but we're very aware of it. I'd like to challenge that.

I think that, as humans, we are creatures of habit. But that evolves, faster and more subtly than we realize. Which is why I think it's more important to consistency check in with yourself than to believe that you are actually being consistent in your nature. And even if you are a person who is so even-keeled, there's always more to learn about yourself and your relationships. I'd encourage you not to take those learning moments for granted.

So, while I'm glad to have puzzled out something about myself of which I had no previous awareness, I will continue to hate chopping carrots. Because I'm consistent like that.