Feel(s)

I cry. A lot. But rarely for myself or my real life circumstances. Most of my watery, emotional overflow happens on the behalf of others–or because of fictional characters and scenarios . . . (Because I'm a nerd like that.) And while I love exploring the darker themes and feelings in my life, I haven't always done a great job of processing through healthily or really allowing myself to sit with them in a timely manner. It was almost always a retrospective thing when it's for me, but I really started trying something different when I began writing poetry.

I started addressing my feelings and taking hold of my thoughts as "in the moment" as was feasible.

Actually, I'll amend that. While it's definitely my MO now, it wasn't even when I initially started writing my "from scratch" poetry. I usually sidle my way up to a real emotion, so blackout poetry and other crafts and hobbies were great conduits for working through things. Even when I first started my project, I tended to batch write poems. I'd jot down whatever triggered the emotions, but I'd simply hoard all the prompts until weeks or months later when I felt ready to tackle them.

Now, however, I'm much more likely to be writing here and there throughout the day or night, whenever a mood or thought strikes and if I have the time. If I don't, I still absolutely write down whatever will help me to come back to that headspace and carry on with whatever needs my attention. (My habit of scribbling down everything and nothing is a topic for another day.) But I still started down this path when I was writing Inkling and my other first two books.

And that's kind of what you start to see in FEEL. I mean, all of Inkling technically, but it really has more of that exploratory vibe in this specific section. Instead of just being angry and shouting my feelings like in LISTEN, the second part is more questing and questioning in nature. It's probably most reflective of my everyday state of mind, and it definitely holds a special place in my heart as a result. I'll more akin to how I see natural emotional personality.

To show what I mean, I'll leave you with one of my favorites that shows up early on in the section:

Inner wilderness,

On the brink of tipping out.

A reaction, a non-reaction,

A breath and a hesitation.

Eternity

Suspended in a moment, a memory.

A choice and a fear,

A cry that cannot be retrieved.

The tidal wave

Caught and stilled by a thread.