Reload

I love weapons: Weapon making, weapon history, weapon usage, etc. I'll be intrigued and give a decent listen to someone talking about just about any such topic. I'm just not a huge fan of ranged weapons, mostly because you can either lose your main source of defense and constantly have to retrieve it or you will have to reload and eventually run out.

Maybe it's part of my views on sustainability, maybe it's just my personality, but I hate replenishing . . . Anything. I like when something can get worn in, can keep being used until it just falls apart, and then–when there's absolutely no other choice–I will consider finally replacing whatever it was with the exact same thing. And I'll also likely repurpose the scraps. The problem is that creatively only kinda sorta works that way. But not really.

Creativity has this remarkably elastic and moldable quality that lends itself well to recycling. There are a lot ways to keep your creative spirit going, even have it running for years on just a little spark. But without a renewable source, even creativity can and will run out. I generally fall in the category of sustaining creative drive over the course of a few years by writing at whatever pace the words come, changing up projects, brainstorming with writer friends, learning new ways to express myself, and finding things to inspire me. But even I eventually hit that wall.

I didn't actually realize what seem to be my creative sources, until I was looking back on what actually precipitated me taking each step forward. Ends up, it's a mix of family and home. Being with my people and in a place that challenges and stretches me while also refreshing and comforting me in ways that I just don't get when I'm elsewhere. But it took me years to figure it out. Years to recognize the patterns and to properly acknowledge those who gave me the courage to create and try new things and let others witness those choices.

I had the opportunity to relive that this year: To refresh, recharge, and reload. To see and thank people who played vital (if unknowing) roles in me deciding to write, pursuing creativity, and sharing my work with the wider world. To be immersed in home and adventure and familiarity. I'm so thankful for the time, for prioritizing, and for being able to seize the chance. I'd actually been in such a rough spot creatively–prior to that trip–and I didn't even realize how debilitating it was for me. But being back to reality and seeing what I've started and how far I've come and where I'm going, I've started to really take in those subtle changes that are still revitalizing my creative spark.

I'm still slower than I'd like, but I'm writing again (Hello!) and feeling that creative vision taking over more and more of my headspace. So while I'm not quite ready for my next shot, I'm at least sure the creativity gun is reloaded.